


Why You Should Stay Home During A Pandemic

by lordjenjen



Category: South Park
Genre: Corona Quarantine Fic, Hate Fuck, M/M, Quarantine, stuck together, well start of hate fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjenjen/pseuds/lordjenjen
Summary: The Mayor ordered a city wide lock down. But some people aren't at home when it was issued.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	Why You Should Stay Home During A Pandemic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fitzcarraldo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fitzcarraldo/gifts).



For Fitz

Kyle angrily kicked in the door of Jimbo and Neds tiny supply shed. Butters had secretly told Kyle that Cartman had locked Stan in the shed, and that's why no one had heard from him since they all had been forced back home when the colleges closed. Leave it to fucking Cartman to make shit worst. 

One quick look, told Kyle he'd been fucking had. Kyle let out a fuck as he kicked a box of ammo. He couldn't believe he'd let circumstances get to him, but shit had been weird. He tried calling Stan's phone but there wasn't an answer. He'd called the Tegridy Farms business line as well as the farm house's house phone and all that got him was fucking Randy anxiously say Stan wasn't there and hanging up. He didn't know what the fuck was going on with his friend. 

"Well well well." Kyle turned to see Cartman standing in the doorway holding a bat. "Look who's come out to play." 

Cartman tapped the bat into his hand, trying to be menacing, but failing as the bat let out a squeak. 

"Where the fuck is Stan?"

"Stan? Why the hell would I care about him? Where is-" Cartman cut himself off. "Where is it?"

"What? Where's what? Where's Stan!?" Kyle took a deep breath to keep himself from screaming. Leave it to this fuck to make things complicated. 

Kyle heard a few toots of a siren followed by someone speaking over a loudspeaker. He moved to push Cartman out of the way to hear what was being said, but Cartman tumbled forward, pushing Kyle to the ground with him. The two began shouting at each other while Kyle tried to push Cartman off him, making his efforts of getting up worse. The two didn't realize the door had been shut until a voice began yelling through the woods. 

"-by order of the Mayor," the voice yelled catching their attention, "only authorized personal are allowed to leave. Once again! Effective immediately, all South Park residents are quarantined inside and must stay where they are are by order of the Mayor-" 

The voice trailed off, leaving the two in near darkness. Only the sound of their breathing could be heard before panic set in. Kyle pushed Cartman off himself and scrambled for the door. He tried opening it, to discover it wouldn't budge. 

"HEY!" he yelled, pounding in the door. "HELP! WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE." 

"Awe geeze, that's too bad," the person on the other side of the door answered. Kyle couldn't help but notice it sounded like Butters faking a voice. "We'll send people over with food, but for now, everyone has to stay put."

"BUTTERS!" Cartman yelled from his position on the floor. "LET US OUT!"

"Sorry fellas! Don't know that Butters person you're talking about. But if you're caught outside you'll be arrested and/or shot at."

"That's fine!" Kyle yelled happily. "Arrest me! Please. Anything but being stuck in here-”

"No can do! You fellas hang tight. You'll be out in two weeks or more. Or was it less."

"TWO WEEKS!?"

"Welp! I'll be off. I'll make sure you guys get food."

It took a lot of will power from Kyle not to scream. Instead, he tried the door and found that it would open. He felt the door wasn't even open half an inch before someone shot at it. 

"Citizen!" A voice came from a megaphone. "You need to stay inside! That was a warning shot!"

"We can't stay in here!" Cartman yelled out the window but didn't receive an answer. He let out a loud fuck as he pounded on the walls. 

Inexpressible rage built up in Kyle. He shoved Cartman against a wall before pinning him in place. His stupid fat face needed a good punch. Maybe if he hurt him, they could get out of this.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Cartman spat, trying to hid his fear.

“Me? ME? This is all your fault!”

“How is it my fault!”

“You made threats at Stan then used that to get me here.”

Cartman’s cheeks tinted slightly pink as he shoved at Kyle. However, nothing was going to get Kyle to move.

“I don’t fucking know where Stan is you dumb Jew! Someone lured us both here!”

“That’s fucking- fucking-” Kyle took a deep breath trying to form words. “Why the fuck would someone- WHY?”

“How the hell would I know! You’re supposed to be the genius!”

Kyle pulled back his fist and punched Cartman in his side. The action caused the other to lean forward just enough. In hindsight, Kyle realized he should have backed up a bit, but it was too late for that. Instead, Cartman’s lips landed square on his own. A natural reaction would be to pull away in disgust, but not for Kyle. He bit at Cartman’s lip before shoving his tongue into the other’s mouth. He threaded his fingers through the other's hair and pulled, hard. Cartman let out a cry of pain but didn't break their kiss. Something feral was building in Kyle and he wasn’t sure he liked it, but in this moment, he was going to embrace it.

“What the heck!?” Both men turned to see Butters in his uniform. 

Kyle instinctively punched Cartman again. “Just beating up this fucking cunt.”

“That-thats not what it looked like.” Butter’s face quickly changed from doubt to cheery. “But okay! Officer Scottsman said there were two people in here and I thought I’d escort them back to their own houses to wait out this lock down.”

“God yes!” Kyle shoved Cartman and quickly made his way towards Butters. “You’re a life savor, Butters.”

“When this badge is on, it’s Officer Stotch. Lets get you guys outta here!” The switch from happy to serious and back almost gave Kyle whiplash.

“Yes. Thank you.” Kyle turned back to Cartman as soon as Butters turned to talk to his partner about driving them home. “Don’t fucking tell anyone.”

“I won’t! It would ruin me, you fucking idiot.”

A fleeting thought passed through Kyle. “Meet me in Kuppa Keep tonight.” 

Kyle turned around to leave but not before seeing Cartman’s surprised face flush. This was a bad idea, but something inside him wanted to see how much he could hurt the man who has tormented him for so long. How pleasurable such a thing could be. God he was sick.

***

Butters gave Kyle a good bye wave as he disappeared into his house. The minute his door closed Butters dropped his smile before turning to his partner O’Connell.

“Well, that wasn’t what we were expecting, was it, General Disarray?”

“No it wasn’t Chaos, but this does mean we can stir up a different type of chaos.”

“Go on.” 

“Well. Imagine the chaos that will be instilled on everyone's life if those two were caught hate fucking.”

A plan started formulating in Butter’s mind as he drove off. Oh the chaos about to hit their tiny town.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's short but it's just how it went. Thanks for reading!


End file.
